He's Different

hi there!
Good morning!
Yep.. It's already 2:24 am.. He just went to bed.. :)

Technically, it was still a rejection..

He still refused to accept my feelings for him..

He still chose our friendship than the thing that goes beyond it..

He still said he doesn't love me (though it wasn't the exact words) in return..

"How on earth could you fall in love thru text? Sorry friend but that's very pathetic. All I can offer you is friendship.. No more, no less.."

But he is different..
I didn't feel it was a rejection at all (well of course at first it did).. He made me feel like I didn't lose anything but gained something instead.. He's the only person who made me believe in real love even after rejecting me.. At first I got hurt.. But the conversation that we had tonight (last night technically) made me love him more.. I just realized that he really deserves to be loved.. That it's all worth it.. All the hurt and the pain weren't wasted..

I wanna call him sweety.. Cause he's one of the two sweetest things that I've had.. He's my sweetest downfall.. He has that sweet way of telling me why our friendship is more important and how I also am, important.. I felt his sincerity in everything.. It seems like I could trust him my life.. Like I've known him for as long as I've known myself..

Sobrang sarap nyang mahalin.. Sya kasi yung tipong loyal talaga.. Sa totoo lang, halos parehas ata kami ng ugali.. But he knows how to shield himself better.. Kahit wasak na wasak na wasak na sya, hindi mo parin mararamdaman.. Nalungkot nga ako nung sinabi nya yun.. Na malungkot din sya pero hindi nya lang pinapakita.. Yun din kasi yung isa sa mga nagustuhan ko sa kanya.. Napaka strong nya.. Sinabi ko nga nun dati sa sarili ko na I wanna be the person who would stop him from crying..
Sabi nya nga; "Hindi daw kasi give and take ang love.. Minsan unfair.. Pero kung sino yung nagbigay at nasaktan, sya yung mas may space talaga sa heaven".. Heheh,, then sinabi ko na kung ganun, ehdi for sure 1/4 ng heaven eh akin na,, At siguradong may tatlong house and lot nako dun dahil sa dami ng sacrifices at pain ko.. Then he just said; "Opo.. Ako nga may village na dun sa sobrang pagka-martyr ko.."
Parehas din kami ng pananaw sa love or sa pagkakagusto.. Sabi nya habang naiiyak na sya,  na kaya nya minahal yung ex nya (na till now eh mahal pa nya) eh dahil he felt being loved, real love beyond the boarders of sex and gay mindset.. Yung tipong kahit walang physical contact, basta magkasama lang, magbibiruan, magkakape, mag gugupitan ng kuko, sabay maliligo o ano, eh nandun yun pagmamahal.. Yung wala ka nang hahanapin.. Ganun daw sila dati..
Pinipigilan ko yung sarili ko na maluha nung bago palang kami nag-uusap at pinaliliwanag nya sakin na friends lang kami.. Pero nung sinabi na nya yung mga bagay na yun tungkol sa kanila dati ng ex nya, hindi ko na napigilan yung sarili ko na maluha.. Luha kasi may kaunting selos dahil naramdaman ko kung gaano nya talaga kamahal si Ex.. Pero higit dun, luha dahil iyon mismo yung gusto ko.. Yun lang din yung gusto ko.. Parehas pala talaga kami ng gusto.. Pero sabi nya, lahat naman daw, yun ang gusto.. Pero sa sya lang yung unang taong naringgan ko ng ganun..

Dahil sa kanya, naispire ako..
He became my inspiration not to fall inlove muna.. Hindi yun bad thing.. It's just that gusto ko, sa ngayon sya lang muna mahalin ko kahit pa alam kong walang dapat asahan.. Pero para sakin kasi, sya lang yung kilala kong tao na deserving sa pagmamahal ko.. Who deserves my every tear..

Sa ngayon, mahal na mahal parin nya si Ex.. Pero sana, pag nagmahal na ulit sya ng iba, sakin nalang..
Till now, hindi ko parin maisip kung bakit biglaan yung naramdaman ko for him.. Siguro nga kasi, we have a lot of things in common..

So totoo lang, sa kaunting panahon palang na nakilala ko sya, madami na akong masasabi tungkol sa kanya., It's just that I really have to go na..

So before I go, just wanna say; (kung sakaling mabasa mo to..)

Basty, JS, Bastian..
Mahal kita.. I Love you.. Wo ai ni.. Alam ko sinabi mo na tigilan ko na.. Kasi we're friends and you don't wanna waste it.. But believe me.. I'm trying to forget it.. Kaw pa! Eh ikaw yung isa sa pinaka importanteng friend ko.. :)
Dito lang ako everytime you need me.. Just think of me as a friend..

But I hope you don't mind me waiting.. Eto na kasi yung gusto kong gawin.. I'm not gonna tell you kung hanggang kelan.. :) Hulaan mo nalang.. Heheh..

with all my love, *muahugz*