violations and being single

Happy Sunday!!

It's been a stressful week for me..
I have done all the things that could terminate me from my job.. I knew they can result to that but, I didn't really care.. I don't know why.. But I guess maybe it's because it's been a year of non-stop talking to almost more than 50 Americans a day.. And almost half of them are always upset either complaining of inability to send or receive texts, or because of the incorrect charges that were deducted from their accounts (most of them were actually legal charges but they always insists they didn't do it or they didn't know about the fee.. whatever! whatever! whatever!)... So just imagine yourself trying to pacify a person who says that you talk like a monster they couldn't understand you, 25 times a day! And the other half of them call to change their phones that they don't even know how to operate, to recharge their accounts, to change their phone plans where they always dispute the charges for, or to ASK for credits(money) for an account where the total amount of recharges was just half of the credits that they have already received.. And they are still upset bec. they can't accept the fact that we (the phone company we're representing for) are not a charitable institution.. Hahahah!
Anyway, back to what I was saying, it's been a month full of violations..

First? Try to be early or at least on time for a day, and be late for almost two hours everyday for the rest of the week..
Second? If you're really afraid of getting an action form that could result to a corrective action for being late, try to ask your friend to log-in your profile and put you on LUNCH mode while you're still two hours away from the office.. (and you are the only one in the whole site which is composed of more than 500 employees who is in that mode because it is way too early to take it)
Third? Be late again after that day, and take your limited 1 hr. lunch for more an hour and a half.. (and wait for your manager to go to your station and ask you of what you are trying to prove for doing the violations.. :D)

Hahaha! I've been away from my original teammates for more than two weeks for training.. And during that time, I was still able to make my supervisor's head throb for being so pasaway.. I’m just so thankful that my supervisor tried to understand me..

The week actually started okay, since my crush was the one who approached me though I was really trying to ignore him..

I was also able to meet and bond with some of my old teammates almost everyday after shift.. I had my lunch with Christian and Ron once, and spent an hour after shift with each of them..

The week ended well with an announcement that I will be back to my old teammates the following week..
That means a good and a bad thing.. Good because I will see my friends again everyday, bad because I’ll see my manager again.. Good because I will be able to chat with my friends again, bad because I won't be able to chat with my meebo friends anymore.. Good because I’ve really missed my old team, bad because I’m gonna miss the new one..

It's now SUNDAY, and I didn't render the RESTDAY OVERTIME that I was planning to do.. So I woke up at 4:00 am after sleeping from 11am.. Yep.. I slept for 15 hrs.. So it's no mystery why I'm starving right now since I just fixed some of my things for an hour and went straight ahead to the computer after waking up..

I was also chatting with my friend's friend named Arvee.. It was actually a surprise that he replied after I texted him Good morning!.. And he continued to reply until it was time for him to go home.. During our chat, we just talked about his schedule and about being single..

Arvee: Hahaha!
Lurxie: Oh why? :D
Arvee: Nothing..
Lurxie: Ah okay.. You must be happy? Well, at least you are! Keep it up!
Arvee: Yeah.. I always am.. I just enjoy being single..
Lurxie: Ah okay.. Well that's good! Being not committed is really a nice thing.. It is a happy thought that you could actually do everything without minding anyone.. As for me, I'm actually in a long-time commitment.. with myself.. Heheh.. :D So what do you like most about being single?
Arvee: It's been 7 months actually that I’m single, and still counting.. And what I like about it is that I can have comfortable and sufficient sleep..
Lurxie: Oh yeah.. I agree.. It is really nice that we can sleep at ease without anticipating a text and waking up at some point just to greet someone bec. they might feel bad if we wouldn't do.. Hehehe..
Arvee: Yeah! Cause I was really stressed out in my last relationship bec. he wanted me to be awake whenever he is.. Non-sense! Hahah!
Lurxie: That was really funny! Is he an addict? Hahah! Well at least you we're able to sleep enough for 7 months now and still counting.. :D
Arvee;; Hehehe! But not really everyday.. Sometimes I still find it hard to sleep..
Lurxie: Yeah.. It is really hard to sleep during the day due to the warmness of the weather.. Our house is like on fire.. Heheh.. But even though it is sometimes cold, there are still some times that you couldn't sleep.. And you'll usually get that momentum to sleep when you only have two hours do it.. Haay!! That's why even though I sleep for 8 hours most of the time, I still have some eye bags..
Arvee: Right.. I'm tired of going to facial centers just to remove it and I almost had a fight with my cousin's dermatologist for it.. Cause he said that if I want to get rid of my eye bags, I could just sleep..
Lurxie: Hahah! Now that's really funny.. Hehehe.. Good thing the doctor didn't go home with a black eye.. Hahah! I really can't get over it! :D
Arvee: Hehehe.. Oh hey! We're dismissed..
Lurxie: Oh! Good for you.. Take care! Eat your breakfast!

And that's it.. Being single is really a good thing.. That's if you know how to be contented.. :D

"Nature has music for those who know how to listen"

CROSSING

"Lumubog na ang ship.. Wag lang ang friendship.. "

hahah!! naalala ko yung pinaka-corny na motto sa slambook na nabasa ko.. galing sa kapatid kong parang ewan lang.. nonsense talaga pakinggan..

but then i realized, medyo tama naman yung quote na yun..
mawala man ang lahat, dapat yung friendship, maiwan.. kahit un lang..

ang hirap nung feeling na nawalan ka ng isang taong kakila.. na dati-rati eh nakakausap mo tungkol sa kung saan-saan.. everytime you're down, or pag masaya ka at gusto mong i-share yun..

napaka-babaw nung quote.. parang joke nga eh.. pero yun pala, somehow, may deeper meaning naman (well depende kung emo ka din talaga)..

something happened yesterday na talagang nagpalungkot sakin..
ewan ko lang kung alam nya na nasaktan ako sa nakita ko.. at hindi ko rin alam kung sinadya ba yun..

haaaay.. nakakatawa kasi iilang araw palang yung nagdaan pero parang isang taon na yung mga naexperience ko.. i found you.. we became somehow, friends.. and then i liked you.. then i loved you na pala before i even realized it.. tapos heto.. it seems i'm losing you na agad.. but just like what one of my favorite songs says,..

"can you tell me how could one miss what she's never had?
how could i reminisce when there is no past?"

haaay.. i don't want to miss you.. okay naman nako sa kung ano yung meron tayo dati eh.. kaya sana kahit yun manlang, maretain..

i really don't know how i could make you feel na i can be your very good friend.. i know you have a lot.. but i wanna be one of them.. one of those persons that makes you smile.. whom you run to everytime you're in need.. all i ever wanted is just to see you everyday na masaya.. dahil ayokong nalulungkot at nasasaktan ka.. i wanna make you feel na you're not alone and you'll never be.. na even when everybody else turn their back on you, all you have to do is look back.. and you would see me smiling at you.. (medyo may naalala lang ako sa line na yun.. haaay..)

i love your personality.. not your looks..
ewan ko ba.. kahit nga mukha kang mataray at masungit eh mahal parin kita.. well i can't really tell if it's to early para masabi ko yun..

sabi nga ng friend kong si RGM na kasalukuyan ding malungkot dahil sa isang napaka walang kwentang tao, eh,..
"okay lang na ipagpatuloy mo yan.. pero ingat ka lang cause you might just get hurt.."
then i replied;
"thanks! i know naman it would still lead to that eh.. i know i will just get hurt in the end.. but you know me..
sanay ako na lumaban para sa mga bagay na gusto ko at mahalaga sakin.. at kahit masaktan ako sa dulo, at least hindi nya masasabi na hindi ko sya minahal.. na hindi ako naging seryoso sa kanya.. that i'm just one of the ordinary people na nagkagusto sa kanya.. and at least masasabi ko sa kanya na minahal ko talaga sya.."

ewan ko ba.. kagaya nga ng sinabi ko sa info page ko dito sa fb,
i hate repetitions.. but when it comes to love,. no comment nalang..

ang hirap..
nandito nanaman kasi yung tanong na parang naging fave quote ko na ata; "HOLD ON pa? or MOVE ON na?"

gusto ko ipakita sa kanya kung gaano na sya kaimportante sakin ngayon.. pero hindi ko naman alam kung pinapalayo na ba talaga nya ako..

gusto kong malaman yung isang bagay pero takot naman akong masaktan..

ayokong ma-STRANDED.. pero ayoko rin naman syang IWAN..

gusto ko pang mahalin sya araw-araw.. pero hindi ko alam kung dapat ko pa bang ipagpatuloy..

hindi ko alam kung talagang mahirap to, or kung ako lang ba yung nagpapahirap sa sarili ko..

it seems like im in the center of the road.. i don't know whice path to choose.. either i'd get lost, or i'd get the easy way out.. life is indeed about taking risks.. you just have to be responsible enough of your decisions and be strong enough to take the consequences..
sabi nga ni miley cyrus; it's not about what's waiting on the other side.. it's the climb.."

to those people who were there yesterday when i needed you, thanks a lot!! i really appreciate it and i love you all.. ayt cheese?

+R.G.M., M.C.J., R.J.E. and R.M.L.. muah!!+

july 20 2010
10:08am

after storm dilemma

umaga na.. pawala na yung bagyo.. okay na yung panahon..
haaay mabuti pa yung panahon.. sana ako din..


as usual, late ako kahit sa training.. medyo may baha sa daan kaya nagtraffic.. and i took an fx from litex to quezon ave. so i could ride the train to shaw..
eeenk! "NO OPERATION DUE TO POWER FAILURE".. yan kaagad yung nabasa ko sa escalator.. buhay nga naman.. wala nakong barya.. ang natitira nalang eh yung isang libong pinakaiingat-ingatan ko.. i was already an hour late at that time kaya wala nakong choice.. tutal kanina pa nakabalandra si manong sa tapat ng mrt station eh dito nalang ako.. so i was forced to take a cab up to shaw blvd.. anak ng pating.. isang daan kaagad.. pagdating ko sa office eh wala pang nasisimulan sa training.. GOOD JOB!

then after an hour eh dumating na tong si MCDO.. magkasama sila kahapon hanggang kaninang umaga ni cheese.. kinilig nanaman ako kasi alam kong magkwekwento sya tungkol kay QUEZO.. kaso base sa mga kwento nya, at dahil narin sa pagpapakamatay namin sa the bar at RH nung nakaraang araw, eh medyo nahimasmasan na ako at natauhan.

LUNCH BREAK..

nadedepress nako dahil sa pakiramdam ko liar sya.. kulang nalang ay burahin ko na yung number nya sa phone ko..

(Check ng phone.. 1 MESSAGE RECEIVED)

nagtext sya.. nagpaliwanag ng kaunti..

so everything about the "moving on" that i was planning to do suddenly got deleted.. bago nanaman yung naiisip ko.. heto nanaman.. parang nawala na yung kantang "art of letting go" at napalitan ng "i'll never go"..

kung gaano kagulo yung buhok ko, ganun di kagulo yung isip ko.. i was again happy and considering the text..

so reply ako.. SMILE!!! ayaw magsend.. haaaayz wala nang load.. so sige papasa sa friend na may 100 load.. SMILE ulit!!! blocked sya from share a load.. so knowing that there's a reload station in the mall, i went to it and tried to reboost my acct.. SMILE for the last time!!! "wala po kaming load.." sagot sakin nung babaeng nagtitinda.. haaay talaga naman.. so balik nalang ako sa pagbili ng foods.. umorder ako sa jollibee.. with extra rice.. at tyempo, nabuhos yung coke.. galing talaga! at hindi ko naubos yung binili ko..

finally, nakapagreboost ako thru my friend M.C. dahil tinext ko si mama and she failed to send me a load.. (i tried to use MAC's phone to send my mom a text kaso nung isesend ko na, nadrain ung batt.. GOOD JOB diba?) natext ko narin sya..

and of course, the lunch break has also ended..

so i was in the middle of the conversation with MCDO and we were viewing QUEZO's profile nung negtext sya.. so text text kami ulit.. then i just realized, wala syang sinasagot na tanong ko maliban pag tungkol sa friend nyang si MCDO.. then i started to ask MCDO.. "do you think something has changed?" sabi naman nya, "no.. nothing.."

so ako naman, hala sige.. dahil libre ang umasa, text parin sa kanya.. but we continued to talk about other people..

hindi naman sya ganun dati.. lagi nyang sinasagot yung tanong ko at nagtatanong pabalik..

so i just gave up.. nadepress ulit.. and i ended up being called dahil sa ako na pala yung magrerecite at hindi ko naririnig yung trainer, and i wasn't able to take my 2nd break kasi i had to type this..

kagaya ng sinabi ko sa text, AYT.. BACK TO TRAINING..

during my second break, tinext ko sya.. at nagtext naman sya.. pero ayoko na munang umasa.. again, it's a battle between false hopes and demotivation..

at may pink flamingo na nag-iinarte malapit sakin.. tinanong ko sya tungkol sa fb nya at akala mo kung sino sya.. ayaw ibigay.. fine! baboy!! hahahah!!


LOG-OUT!!!


july 14, 2010
BLACKBERRY TRAINING

POINT of NO RETURN

Love can wait..
Eh panu yan? Hindi naman love yung name ko? Hahah!

Isn't it sad that something would end up just bec. you're weren't that something that people assumed you were? Been wondering these past few days, is it already a lie if you didn't confirm something that somebody never asked?

Everytime i try, i fail miserably.. Tapos sasabihin nila, you have to wait? Im waiting.. Pero how would i know kung iyon na ba yung hinihintay ko? Signs? Ever since ata nalaman ko yung term na signs eh ginagamit ko na sya.. And most of the time, signs weren't right.. Dahil sa isang sign, you continue to fight, believe and hope.. But will end up nowhere with nothing.. Para kang sumali sa Survivor tapos wala manlang consolation price.. Nasaktan ka lang, umasa, tapos talo ka pa..

How would you know ba if you're still hoping or you're already assuming?

After ng isang experience, sasabihin mong natuto ka na.. And you're proud to say that you can imply what you've learned.. Pero pag andyan na, sa simula, you would say it wont happen again.. Tapos marerealize mo nalang, nandun ka na ulit sa point of no return.. Kung saan either you will win, or uuwi ka nanamang luhaan admitting na it happened again.. Wala ka nanamang nagawa.. Talo ka ulit kahit akala mo, hindi ka na sumali sa laro..

Everytime im walking alone, and i would see some couples either straight o hindi, na masaya, napapaisip ako kung ilan kaya sa kanila yung magtatagal.. Kung masaya ba talaga sila? At kung paano nila nalaman na sila yung para sa isa't isa..

Sana merong law of science na nagsasabing after mo dapat magkamali ng pagpili ng tao for 1 to 3 times, eh mapipili mo na yung tama.. Para naman fair..

Cause according to the quotes that i've read, LOVE was never fair.. And it will never be.. Well, only one could tell kung applicable ba yan sa kanya o hindi.. Basta ako, i dont care.. Kasi kahit naman isipin kong totoo yan, eh magmamahal at magmamahal parin ako..

So i was able to write this after viewing somebody's profile, iconfirm yung apelyido ko, at bigla syang nawala.. Sa kanya ko rin nakuha tong idea ng NOTES..

And i can say i would miss you, but im glad you came through.. <3

karma and fairytales..

Bakit kaya ganun noh?

Sabi nila, kahit daw sa love,

meron ding karma..

Eh bakit ganun?

may mga tao na first time nila nagmahal pero nasaktan kaagad sila?

They keep thinking na next time, magiging okay na.. Yung tipong good karma naman..

Pero hindi rin.. May mga iba sa kanila, ganun parin.. Sila parin yung nasasaktan, naiiwan..

Naaalala ko dati yung quote na pinasa sakin..

Sabi dun, "Don't let the first person that you would love hurt you.. because if you do, mauulit lang yun sa susunod.. Sasaktan ka ulit ng mga taong mamahalin mo.."

After nun, sinisi ko yung unang taong minahal ko.. Sabi ko, siguro kaya ako sinasaktan o nasasaktan ng mga taong minahal ko, eh dahil sinaktan ako nung unang taong yun..

Simple lang naman yung gusto ko..

Yung tipong meron lang taong mamahalin ko, mapapakitaan ng concern.. Maaalagaan..

Who would appreciate it, and do the same..

Hindi ko naman kailangan ng may good looks.. Siguro dahil alam kong wala rin naman ako nun.. Hopeless romantic talaga ako.. Yung mga dream dates ko eh yung mamasyal sa Antipolo or sa Tagaytay.. Yung umupo sa may overlooking at manuod ng stars all night.. Yung manood ng concert or sine kasama sya..  Mamasyal sa mga kaibigan namin sakay ng motor or kotse nya.. Basta makasama lang sya.. Mga bagay na para sa iba eh normal lang.. Gusto ko yung may taong nadadalhan ko ng foods, who would appreciate it.. Yung taong maipaparamdam sakin na kagaya ng pagmamahal ko, eh meron ding taong ayaw akong masaktan, at handang gawin ang lahat para wag mangyari yun.. Someone who could make me feel secured,  that i, also, deserve to be loved and be happy..

Kagaya kasi ng marami, ako yung tipo ng taon na hindi naman namimili ng mamahalin.. Siguro ng crushes, oo.. Pero once na may nagpakita na ng kabaitan, at once nasobrahan na ako sa pag-appreciate nun, eh naiinlove kaagad..

Yun nga yun mali.. Kasi masyadong mabilis mainlove, unang buhos palang, nilalahat na.. Buong puso, iniinvest..

Ewan ko.. Pakiramdam ko kasi, hindi mo nga yun choice.. Yung mahalin yung tao.. Bigla mo nalang yun mafe-feel.. Sabi ko nga yung tipong sa una, akala mo hindi mo mahal yung tao.. Crush mo lang.. Magugulat ka nalang, isang araw, hinahanap mo na sya.. And unnoticebly, gusto mo nang makasama sya palagi.. And the next thing that you would know, umiiyak ka na kasi hindi mo na pala kayang malayo yung tao sayo..

Hindi ko alam kung nasa akin ba yun mali..

Ako kasi, kaya at handa kong gawin lahat para sa taong mahal ko..

I could wait for the person.. Madalas nga mali na yung paghihintay ko..

I could change myself para lang walang mahirapan.. For me, walang incompatibility issues.. Kung anu yung gusto ng taong mahal or gusto ko, eh pinipilit ko ring gustuhin.. Kung gusto nya ng rock, alternative or even mga old songs, pinipilit kong iappreciate at pag-aralan.. Kung anu yung kayang gawin ng mahal ko, kinakaya ko rin..

Dati pa nga, nag-aral din ako mag-mandarin kasi chinese sya.. Gusto ko pag nameet ko yung family nya, kaya ko rin mag mandarin.. Nag-aral din ako maggitara kasi marunong sya nun..

Yun lang yung nakakatuwa pag nainlove ka.. Ang dami mong natututunan mula sa taong yun..

I could always understand and forgive.. Hindi rin madali para sakin ang pagpapatawad.. Mas madali lang talaga siguro para sakin ang umintindi.. Lagi akong nagbibigay ng second chance.. Onset of the situation, magagalit ako.. Pero just after a while, eh pinipilit kong intindihin kung bakit nya yun ginawa.. Bata pa kasi ako, ganun nako.. Tumatak kasi sakin yung sinabi ni mama dati.. "Bago ka magalit or bago mo sya pagalitan, tanungin mo muna sya kung bakit nya yun nagawa.." Kaya eventually eh napapatawad ko sila kaagad.. Pero i always remember what they did.. Pero hindi naman para isumbat..

I know how to believe and be faithful.. Mabilis akong magselos, oo.. Pero normal lang naman yun kung yung taong mahal mo eh hindi ka sinesecure na mahal ka nya at hindi ka nya sasaktan..  Kaya nga para sakin, walang masama sa word na insecure pagdating sa love.. Kasi yung meaning nung word para sakin eh, yung hindi ka lang kampante.. Kasi nga, hindi mo nafefeel yung security.. Kasi hindi nya pinararamdam yun sayo.. Pero ako, marami din akong crushes.. At bulgar yun sa lahat.. Eh ginagawa ko lang naman yung kasi hindi ako committed.. Pero once nagmahal nakoh, ganun parin.. Madami parin ako crushes.. At sinasabi ko parin yun sa marami.. But in reality, isa lang yung taong pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin.. At mararamdaman nya na kahit isang daan ata ang crushes ko, eh sya lang yung importante sakin.. Na mahal ko sya, crushes lang ang iba..

Hindi ko alam kung iyon ba yung problema.. Kung may mali ba sa ginagawa ko..

Pero kahit pa marami na akong taong minahal at kahit na sa lahat ng yun, sadya man nila o hindi ang masaktan ako, eh hindi parin ako natatakot na magmahal..

Alam kong walang fairytales.. But i believe in karma..

Naniniwala ako na darating din yung panahon na babalik sakin lahat ng pagmamahal na binigay ko..

Wala mang magic, naniniwala ako na darating parin yung taong yun..

Na magmamahal sakin, at magpapapaniwala sakin na merong true love para sakin.. Sa panahon siguro na talagang suko na ako..

At kung sa dulo eh hindi man sya dumating, eh at least napapaniwala ko yung sarili ko hanggang sa huli na merong ganun.. At least naging masaya ako sa isipin na yon..